Just when you think…
As a Speaker & Author, I get to spend a lot of time around people of all ages. It's been interesting to watch how our society seems to be becoming more judgmental than ever. And quite honestly, I've been alarmed to recognize how much I have fallen into this mindset as well. I can't say that I've pinpointed the source, nor that it's even possible to pinpoint the primary source. But what I do know is that for every one of us; as a child, as soon as we began to discover ourselves, and embrace our family culture, we began to judge to some degree.
We see kids hold their spoon funny, or maybe take longer to give up a pacifier, or maybe they potty train a full year after we do. And we tend to think because they didn't or don't do it the way that we did, that it's somehow wrong. We judge in that moment. But just when you think that you're somehow better than them, they suddenly prove their ability to do something else that you cannot yet do. So in that moment, we have a tendency to judge yet again, judging ourselves as inadequate or short of what we should be. When in reality, neither of us are wrong, we're just different.
My mom sent me a quote a while back that said "I'm humble enough to know I'm not better than anyone else, but wise enough to know I'm different." My son Connor has ridiculous ability with Dominoes. He's remarkably intelligent for age 9, and it blows my mind the structures and designs that he puts together. Even at age 6, he was building incredible domino creations! If you ever want to see what I'm talking about, simply punch in "Potratz Dominoes" on YouTube and check it out. There are no other kids in his class that have the patience or ability to build what he does. However, as easy as it is to judge his friends as less intelligent or less capable than he is, we can't go there. It's simply not the truth. If you get below the surface, you'll discover that they have an ability or a gift that Connor doesn't have. And that doesn't make Connor inadequate, it just makes him different. And although he and his friends have different personalities, different interests, and different gifts & abilities, they're all of equal value, because they all have that special something to offer. Just when you think you're better than someone, shift gears, and recognize that you're not better than, you're just different.
Because we're a judging society, we have a heavy tendency to judge a book by it's cover. I have friends who have bought old run down houses and fixed them up to be uniquely beautiful. If you had driven by those houses in their first 6 to 12 months of ownership, you may have immediately judged them as being low-income or struggling, because the yard is a mess, with more weeds than grass, the siding is warped with paint peeling, and whatever else you might judge by. But just when you think that they're in the category that you've judged them to be in, their hard work begins to pay off and the project comes together, and suddenly you realize that this supposed dump, is now nicer than your home! And here's the kicker: In that moment, we can judge again, by feeling like we need to spiff our home up to keep up with them. Or, we can instead smile, knowing that they're not better than us, that we're not inadequate, we're just different.
Judging a person doesn't define who they are, it defines who you are. Typically, the need to judge is rooted in some form of insecurity. For example, I have some insecurity about my paralyzed arm and residual effects from my brain injury. Therefore, I have a tendency to judge myself as "better than" in the strong areas of my life to try to offset that insecurity. I'm working through that to lessen it, but the reality is that it exists. Although, it's rarely evident on the outside, it can potentially eat me up and exhaust me from the inside. I'm not sure we can ever expect to quit judging entirely. It's an instinct in the human race. We constantly measure ourselves up against those around us. So knowing that we can't entirely escape it, our best bet is to simply become mindful of it every day and do our best to catch ourselves in the moment. Just when you think that you're above those around you, capture that judgmental thought and lower yourself back to reality. Remember, you're not better, you're just different.
